A Necessary Breakup

Edition 39: January 2026

I’m attempting to break up with my phone.

At least in the mornings. It’s become increasingly obvious that scrolling my phone first thing in the morning is not the most productive use of my time. Nor is it helpful to a nervous system that is constantly seeking dopamine. I used to liken it to the morning news, seeing what’s happening in the world before embarking on my day, but honestly, the world can wait.

As millennials, we are the last generation that has truly straddled the analog and digital worlds. I grew up playing outside from dawn to dusk in the summers and coming in smelling like the outside. I had a family computer that sat in the living room where you occasionally had to yell upstairs for someone to hang up their call so you could get on the internet. I used paper directions to get to my interview for an internship at the local radio station while I was in college. A world that was far away from tiny screens pumping Bluetooth waves into us unknowingly and causing our backs to slump.

Approaching my next decade of life, I find myself caught between wanting to completely hang up my presence on these apps and wanting to use it more effectively to build an audience for my work. It’s a constant back and forth. Knowing that it is rotting my brains but has also created opportunities for me that I could have never imagined for myself. But I have been pretty chronically online probably since AOL chatrooms, and I think that’s enough time to give it a rest.

It’s difficult because I find so many opportunities there for my writing community and for my own work. But I think this season is about putting boundaries on how long and how much I indulge in the array of other nonsense that surrounds the networking and submission opportunities. Meaning, I can at least formulate some of my own thoughts first thing in the morning before giving a stage to what everyone else in all parts of the world thinks.

Recently, I finished my friend GG Renee Hill’s book Story Work: Field Notes on Reclaiming Your Narrative and there are so many parallels in our current journeys navigating life after receiving late ADHD diagnosis. That’s a whole story within itself, but what GG’s book put into perspective was the need to develop systems that will help us be most effective in our creative work. What doesn’t work for me is losing hours of the day scrolling.

Slow mornings are crucial to helping my brain focus for the rest of the day. Starting with photos and videos and one million random thoughts on Threads is NOT the way to go. I can’t start that way and then think I’m going to sit down and write some great and thoughtful fiction. So … I’m attempting to alter a very hard pattern to break.

The reality is the phone is fun. It shows me new things every time I flick the screen down which is like a pile of blow for the overactive brain. (Sorry to be crass, but it feels that way at times.)

But I have work to do.

Thoughtful work that involves an array of newsletters that have to be written weekly. Manuscripts that need to be finished and polished so that I’m not some one-hit wonder novelist. A writing community that needs to be nourished and enhanced. I don’t have that kind of time to waste.

Acknowledgement is the first step. If you would have asked me a few months ago if I was addicted to my phone, I may have gotten a bit ornery. “I’m an adult, I can control myself.” But honestly can I? When these algorithms are set up to keep you there as long as possible so they can sell you things you don’t need?

At this point in my life, I’m coming to grips with the fact that my brain may be wired a little differently. And even though I’ve been able to bootstrap my way through life without actually knowing that the wiring was a little short, I’m currently running out of steam. I am losing my ability to mask and keep this all in check and so I have got to dedicate myself to the systems that I know work. Because I do know that I am soooo much better off when I don’t start the day on social media.

SO … what is that looking like for me in this season?

When I get up in the morning, I don’t take my phone in the bathroom. Judge me if you want, but I know I am not the only one. Instead, I use the bathroom for what it’s for and leave.

I’ve dedicated myself to reading a chapter each morning from the likely three books I have in rotation at any given moment. Which is why I was able to finish Story Work in a timely manner with annotation tabs and all for the juicy good stuff that’s in it.

After reading, I am working on something! Planning and strategy for growing Permission to Write. Writing a scene of fiction in my work in progress or one of the fifty-leven newsletters I have going.

Depending on the day, I may do a home workout or go to the gym because physical activity also really works for focus through the rest of my day.

And then, only after I’ve given more important things my attention, can I go back to the phone to check emails and see a little social media, etc.

The problem with ADHD is knowing exactly how much routine helps but also being absolutely resistant to it.

The good part about ADHD is that if my phone is in another room I will literally forget that it exists. Wins and losses here.

What I truly took away from GG’s story was simply prioritizing yourself. So many of us are in this rat race. Whatever it is. For me it’s like trying to be this author and write these stories and do work that makes my heart soar. For you, it may be something else. But if we don’t take a second to evaluate some things, we are going to end up burned out and used up. And I have felt the sparks of that, and this is a moment where I’m deciding to extinguish them, so they don’t grow into flames that consume me.

Our nervous systems are shot, neurodivergent or not. And I think so many of us are going to be finding ways to wean ourselves off of being chronically online and in front of screens. Buying more puzzles, and Legos, and more books to read. Like we are maxed out on the digital landscape, and yearning for true connection and ways to slow ourselves down. That’s what reading and writing does for me.

So, in this new year, I’m doing my best to let my phone know that it’s me, not it. That for survival and for my creativity to truly thrive, I’ve got to stop waking up to it and letting it set the tone for my day. We’re breaking up, and it may be the healthiest one yet.

What I Read This Month

December Reads

Toni at Random, Dana A. Williams

Blues Dancing, Diane McKinney-Whetstone

Currently Reading

Tumbling, Diane McKinney-Whetstone

Curating the Vibe

A little something to add to your playlist. Songs on repeat for me.

Stallin’, Fridayy

Unhinged, Masego

Power and Problems, Wale

Love in Full Color

I’m folding my newsletter on Black romance narratives across film, TV and books into this space. So, heads up! More interviews and insights into Black love and all the things. New posts in February because your girl did not prepare properly. But it’s going to be a really great year for Black romance.

I’ll be hosting the First Ten Pages workshop as a part of The Manuscript Series for Permission to Write. If you’re trying to polish those early pages of your project, definitely register so we can make that sample sing!

About me:

I’m Ashley M. Coleman, a writer and music industry professional who loves music, Black culture, hot topics, and books. If you enjoyed this newsletter, spread the word! Leave a comment, like, share, your support is everything.

You can purchase my debut novel Good Morning, Love, HERE.